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i could see myself being a lesbian

i’ve pounded straight vodka because i was depressed twice in 2 weeks. i didn’t stop until i couldn’t move, and then i spent the rest of the night and into the morning throwing up acid, and both times i remember just starting to cry randomly

i pull my hair out. i’ve had no eye lashes and no eye brows, no arm hair, no leg hair, no pubic hair, nothing. it used to help but now i just do it out of habit. and i absolutely hate it but i cannot go a day without looking at the plucked eye lashes between my fingers

i remember peeing my pants up until the 5th grade. i used to tie sweatshirts around my pants so people wouldn’t notice but i’m sure they did

sometimes i send my ex half-naked pictures even though he has a girlfriend who loves him

i’m afraid of living and i’m afraid of independence and i’m afraid of failing so i just don’t do anything

i have no idea who i am. sometimes i feel like i’m evil or psychotic and one day i’m just going to snap

all my friends think that i’ve had sex but i’m a virgin.

every time i look at my parents i think of death. i don’t want them to die, i don’t want to die, i’m afraid of aging. i wish my parents were 20 years younger because i need them

i pull out my hair. i want to cut so bad to scare my family. i want them to realize that something is severely wrong. i’ve hated myself since i was 4.